wanna go halves on a baby?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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