i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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