Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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