Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
