it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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