I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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