Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
