apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
