Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
