yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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