He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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