i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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