Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
