he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
