Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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