the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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