My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
