Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
