She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
