can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
