She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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