You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
