i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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