Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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