also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
