I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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