GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i think i just lost a toe
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
