Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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