UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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