can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
