dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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