I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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