I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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