you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
