shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
