I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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