Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
me + whiskey = a bad person
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
