just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
