you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
