after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
