this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
