I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
