Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
