I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
