She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
