Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
