now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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