tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
