Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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