A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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