All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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