I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
