my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
