Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
