Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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