I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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