What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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