College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
