What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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