ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
