Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
