C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
