It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
