Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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