Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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