unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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