my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
