Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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