shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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