Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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