No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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