I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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