went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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