Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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