I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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