ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
