Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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